Hels's Page
Profile Information
- Hometown:
- Buckinghamshire
- About Me:
- I'm a single mum with 3 children aged 16 year old daughter, 12 and 8 year old boys.
I work part time and I'm studying for a degree.
- About my teenager:
- My Daughter seems to have become a totally different person (alien) I think that is why I bought this book, it shouted at me from the shelf because it was exactly how it'd had become. When she wants to be she can be a very funny person but 99% of the time she is:
rude, ignorant, tempremental, spiteful, lazy, never in to eat with us and starts an arguement then that escalates and upsets her brothers and I'm sure she has began stealing from me, when confronted she said maybe i was going mad and miscounted.. would be funny if it weren't so serious.
She does her own ironing now but that is it, because I got fed up with ironing at the last moment for her.
- The one question I would like to ask Sarah.
- My daughter says she hates me and her brothers, how can i get her to see that if she was nice to us instead of name calling etc, we would respond better to her.
- My biggest challenge.
- At the moment it is not getting into the arguements because i basically end up making impossible to implement consequences.
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1. Have you told her you would love to do something with her on her terms and asked what that could be? Don't stop inviting her one day she may say yes...
2. You need to have very clear boundaries with her about what is and is not OK. Let her know that you want to talk with her to come to some agreements and if she says that she won't tell her that's fine because you will do them anyway. Yes eh may scream and shout and you must have given in once for her to do it. Sometimes you have to suffer in the short term to get anywhere in the long term.
3. Great job on the meal times - how is it working?
4. Ok you can not change the way she behaves towards them.....and she does it because she knows it upsets you. Take this one carefully.....read through the alien invasions in the back of the book and I think it is the "I don't care one" it has some useful suggestions here.
Let me know how it goes. The main thing is to stay in control of yourself - once you blow so will she...building a relationship takes time and always starts with respect. Tell her each day one thing you respect/admire about here and you will see a small change.
No situation is irreparable and it is never too late.....don't give up on her she needs you.
Sarah
Sarah
It is not about you getting her to see anything...it is about you not taking what she says personally. The "I hate you" comment always means something else like "you are not listening to me and I don't like it" for example. I want you to switch this around and ask the question "how can we treat her with respect so we get it back?"