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Sarah talking to Diana Haskins - Author of Parent as Coach
Sarah
Posted on April 24, 2008 at 5:47pm —
How is raising children like ice-skating?
Anyway, while we were there it became apparent to me that ice-skating is like parenting.
OK, let me explain, and it is not about falling over and getting back up – that would be far too obvious, wouldn’t it!
So Freya (the 7-year-old) gets on the ice for the first time, she is petrified and needs me by her side holding… Continue
Posted on April 24, 2008 at 5:44pm —
What are your fears as a parent?
Sarah
Posted on April 24, 2008 at 5:43pm —
Where are you all
Going to London tommorow to have afternoon tea at a swanky hotel...very English..I will be thinking of you all while I sip my tea!
Sarah
Posted on April 10, 2008 at 11:01pm —
You have to check this out
Enjoy!
http://www.theteencoach.com/2008/04/new-group-coach.html
Sarah
Posted on April 8, 2008 at 8:07am —
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I have tried talking, but she is not responsive to me and tends to argue. She took money from me yesterday, so I removed her ipod when she was asleep. She came to me asking if I had it in the morning as it was missing and I exclaimed that there must be a problem as money had gone from my purse too. She claimed not to have taken it, but I was very careful not to accuse her. I simply stuck to the point that her ipod would be returned when my money was. I kept repeating this when she kept on at me to return the ipod- and the money came back, by being placed in my son's room and her telling me that she had found it there. SoI had a distraught son- whom I reassured that it was ok as it wasn't there when I checked on him when everyone was asleep. Again, I refused to accuse her, and replaced the ipod as I jhad the money. i think the message may have got through- but I have discovered her weak spot and a tool for me.
I haven't yet sorted the sweets issue.
My daughter has been taking money from my purse for about 6 weeks now. At first, it was 5, then when I caught her, it was £14. I thought I was going mad, as money just wasn't there. She was getting £12 per month, plus her phone paid for; plus horse riding lessons; and generally anything else she had to do chores for, which she very rarely did. She has a dreadful sweet eating habit, which I suspect that she is spending her pocket money on. I asked her why she felt it necessary to steal from me, and she said that I never buy her anything- despite having spent money on her that week for books etc. when we sat down and totalled everything up, together with me giving her money to go to the cinema with her firends, it came to £100! The sweets I cannot explain. She seems to buy them on her way home from school, but this is not just one packet. It is a whole bag of sweets, plus a couple of chocolate bars etc. When she gets home, she takes apples out of the fruit bowl, whcih I am happy for all the children to do, but Celia takes up to 7 and hides them under her pillow!
I have told her in no uncertain terms that stealing is a crime, and that she is depriving everybody of something, as I have only a certain amount each month and have to budget. I have tried to get her to budget her pocket money, and I seem to be getting nowhere with her.
I put the money up to £20 per month, plus phone, plus riding; but small amounts keep disappearing. She is resentful if she asks me for money and I don't have any to hand- especially if she wants it for extra lunch or something. I have explained to herthat I am unhappy giving her money as she spends it on sweets, but that I am hapy to let her have extra bits for lunch- I bought her what she wanted, some kitkats; some juice. Having explained that i would not replace anything for a week, from a packet of 9 bars, she ate 6. She won't eat anything I cook, saying it is disgusting adn turning her nose up, whilst the two boys enjoy theirs. It is clear that she is eating junk and refusing to eat properly. i try to accommodate her, but I am am lone parent with no support from her father. I have approached school and told them that she needs counselling. I am trying to follow the guidelines that you suggest in your book, by empowering her adn giving her choises. She never asks me for anything, she just takes. I have also the book by Gregory Bodenhammer, Parent in Control and I am putting myself first and foremost. I thought I had a breakthrough at the weekend when she wanted me to buy her a cd and so she tidied her room really well, after me asking her for weeks. It is beginning to go the same way as it was before.
I am stressed out completely with her and quite frankly I really don't think I like her very much anymore.
1. to help strengthten my son's self esteem,
2. to regard me as his friend and not just his mom,
3. to clarify for myself whether I am being overprotective or not and if so, how to overcome that for both's sake.
I believe in letting a child 'fall' when there's nothing big at stake (like the ice skating story), but now I'd like to rescue my son i.s.o. just helping him (to use your words) before it's too late. What I worry about is whether or not his behavior has a deeper root cause (the divorce, his growth hormone deficiency) and I don't see it....
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